I Think My Mother's Favourite Child is My Husband
My mother sends the most random texts I've ever seen. There I'll be binge-watching Jury Duty, and I'll get a message saying, "More people in India than China now," and I'm all like, what? I need some more context as to why I care about this.
She'll text me at 5 a.m. asking me how I'm doing, and because I'm just as early as a riser as she is, I'll reply right away with, "I'm good, how are you?"
Just for her to send me a text saying, "Going back to bed, ttyl."
If I were ever going to refer to another human being as a card, it would be my mom.
Man, I love her.
Recently she sent me this text:
My mom has worked as a cashier for a popular grocery store chain for years, and I take great joy in hearing about her adventures there. I also want to sometimes go back to my hometown and kick some customer service ass when I hear people are going through her till and are rude to her.
It is important to me that everyone is as kind as they possibly can be to my mother because she's a goddamn gem. So, word to the wise, if you ever meet her, treat the woman like royalty or receive my wrath.
Hearing about this onion debacle made me immediately think of my husband.
A few years ago, I noticed Jamie was always carrying our bag of onions through the till and providing the barcode to the cashier without ever putting the bag down on the belt.
"Why do you do that?" I finally asked him.
He looked at me like I was the dumbest human on the planet, saying, "So the cashier's belt doesn't get dirty with onion flakes."
After she sent the text, I relayed this story to Mom, and she was all like, "THANK YOU, JAMIE!!!"
Much like my mom, Jamie is an unquestionably kind person who thinks endlessly about others.
Not like me at all.
This is probably why my husband and my mother get along so well. They are equally good people.
They probably find great joy in chatting with each other about the dirtbag I am. Oh well, I guess that's my good deed in life—being the common thread of dirtbaggery that bonds my husband and mother together.