There’s No Such Thing as a Simple Change
I always thought I was good at change, then I started a new job
“People don’t quit jobs; they quit managers.” This was one of the first things my new coworker said to me in the breakroom while we ate our bagged lunches.
I told him how nice it was to have a manager who gladly gave out positive reinforcement, because a pat on the back and a “You’re doing a great job” is something I’ve seldom experienced in the workforce.
This new place of employment has been a culture shock for me. My manager constantly tells me how great I’m doing, and I don’t know how to handle it. She’s an empathetic woman with a huge heart and always a kind word on the tip of her tongue. Staff and customers alike look forward to seeing her on a daily basis.
It’s a great work environment.
So why was I jonesing to return to my old job for the first few weeks I was employed there?
I always thought I was great at change. I love to move around furniture in my house every few months, and I’ve never shaken a stick at the idea of chopping off all my hair for an entirely new look.
I can change my personality with ease depending on who I’m spending time with, swapping from sweet and respectful when wooing a grandma to cussing sailor-style when in a room full of my dad’s old trucking pals.
I like change; I welcome it in most aspects of my life.
The new job is in retail. I’m the team lead for a thrift store, and it’s a fantastic gig. I mainly work the storefront, so I’ve met all the regular customers, and they have been so welcoming and kind — all voicing their excitement that I am now a part of the family.
And I’m excited, too. The work reminds me so much of when Jamie and I owned the sandwich shop a few years back. It’s the same feeling of community and togetherness, and after all the difficulties experienced over the past year, being part of such a tight-knit community is exactly what I need in my life right now.
And yet all I could fantasize about for the first few weeks was returning to my old job. I envisioned reaching out to my former boss and begging for a position at the company again. I didn’t care if it was washing floors or scrubbing toilets; he could pay me minimum wage, and I’d still come crawling back.
I imagined myself knee-bound before him, hands clasped together in prayer-like declaration explaining that I was sorry I resigned from the manager position and that I take it back. My head wasn’t right at the time; having just gone through a separation, the depression made me say and do things that I never meant to happen!
It all sounds so pathetic and sad. But these truly were the thoughts that were going through my mind.
I so badly wanted to go back in time to the familiar, I didn’t take a moment to realize how lucky I was to have found this new job.
And this new job is a good one. It was tailor-made for me.
My manager encourages silliness. My primary directive is to chat with the customers and ensure they are happy. I get to use creativity and an artistic eye to design store displays, and on account of it being a second-hand store, countless treasures pass through it on a daily basis.
Do you even understand the story capabilities with that?!
But now I’m just bragging, aren’t I?
So, how did I change my tune and start appreciating this new place of employment? It was when I did, in fact, reach out to two old friends at my former job. I sent an email to one and a text to another, expressing how much I missed them and working at the company. I apologized for any extra workload my leaving may have caused.
What I received back was dead air.
Nothing. Nada. Not even a thumbs-up emoji.
Well, that was a kick in the bloops now, wasn’t it?
I can be pretty naive at times. I have believed that gullible was indeed written on the ceiling on multiple occasions, but this? These two people were my friends, weren’t they? We had gone out for drinks, celebrated birthdays together, and weathered the storm side by side on chaotic workdays.
Of course, I played my part in all this. I stepped down from my managerial position there. I must have shifted much more work onto my former coworkers by doing so. I couldn’t have been a dream to work with those last few months I was there either. I was going through a messy separation, and my mental health was nonexistent.
So, there is a part of me that understands their silence now. Perhaps they felt as though I had abandoned them. Maybe they simply didn’t understand what I was struggling with then. Maybe they felt my sentiments of overwhelm were nothing but an overreaction.
I’ll really never know, but losing their friendship was a difficult realization to come to, regardless.
The one good thing that’s come out of all this is that I now know I don’t want to go back to my old job. This new company culture I find myself in fits my personality and career goals so much better.
The decision to embrace my new job was simple, and I haven’t looked back since.
Change can be difficult when it comes to careers and employment. We get stuck in our safe place and forget there is a wider world of great opportunities. We forget that sometimes the grass truly is greener on the other side.
I still haven’t heard back from the folks at my last job, and I won’t hold my breath. I’m too busy smiling and treasure hunting and embracing all these new changes to spend my days longing for a timeline that was never meant to be.
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Love the positivity here!